For a Science student, this joke never gets old

Sorry to the rest of you suckers.

Ridin' sulluh

All I could think of when I saw this ad was that joke... do you have any Israeli in you? Would you like some?

One less lonely girl

And about 1 million jealous 10-15 year olds.
Just me and my underage boyfriend, nbd.

Bam, roasted!

I pretty much forgot that today was April Fool's Day, but I managed to sleep in until noon anyway, so I avoided it altogether. However, my Facebook newsfeed was still littered with "pranks" when I got up. One friend said it was his birthday AND that he was engaged. Someone else said they were pregnant.

I don't remember ever really participating in April Fool's Day. One year, when I was little, my sister and I placed a rubber fly in my Dad's food. I think that's the extent of it all.

Making Michael Scott proud

All of my best jokes lately seem to revolve around semen. I'm not even surprised.

Mitch: If you guys keep it up, I'm going to be spitting all night.
Lauren: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!

It was like in the episode where Jim and Pam talk all day on their tiny bluetooths and Pam finally gets a chance to say "that's what she said" and she is SO happy. Exactly like that. I was stoked.

Do work, son

Not all the quotes have to be inspirational. This one is hilarious:

"You men have no idea what we're dealing with down there. Teeth placement, and jaw stress, and suction, and gag reflex, and all the while bobbing up and down, moaning and trying to breathe through our noses. Easy? Honey, they don't call it a job for nothin'."

Samantha, Sex in the City