La-x

Vampires always get invited inside

I don't really like vampires. I'm not afraid of them or anything, especially since they aren't real (although that hasn't prevented me from being afraid of zombies). But anyway, vampires don't really interest me. The whole hype about Twilight doesn't make sense to me. However, this list of weird vampire merchandise really interests me. As funny as the items themselves are, the write-ups brought me to tears.

Hey baby, is that a mirror in your pocket 'cause I can see myself in your pants

Pick-up lines from historical figures:

That warm, fuzzy feeling

Money makes the world go 'round

Because the two are comparable:
(910): We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.

Alien invasion

People are always talking about how cute their babies are. Babies are NOT cute. They look like little aliens. I came across pictures of this baby on Facebook, and it proves my point really.

Welcome to the gun show

Came across this little gem while I was on my friend's profile page leaving her a message:

You're so far away

The new Muse album, The Resistance, is genius. I would like to consider it the soundtrack for my life.

The contraceptive paradox

(403): Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.

Because it feels so good when I stop

When I was a little kid, I used to write epitaphs. This would be the most morbid thing to do ever, if I hadn't also written eulogies. I'm not really sure what inspired me to do this. I wasn't surrounded with death as a kid. The only person that I was close to that died when I was a child was my grandfather. I also used to write lists of songs that I wanted to have played (at my funeral), favorite things and people, just so those things would be known. What a depressing pass-time.

I always catch the clock, it's 11:11

Wow, the eeriest thing just happened. I decided to make a relatively simple wish at 11:11 PM, and within 4 minutes the wish came true.

Definitely not a Nashville party

A lot has changed since this picture was taken:

Post #100

Hanging out with the Lacrosse boys will be the death of me. Second weekend in a row spent puking up pizza (pizza is probably one of the worst thing to puke up, ever). And they've managed to turn me back on to tequila. I won't make it out of this season alive.

First Impressions 101

No more than five minutes in to meeting my boyfriend's father and seven year old half-brother for the first time, I had to get them to pull the van over and let me puke on the side of the road while an old lady looked on from her driveway. Good start.

My lyrics are bottomless

Looking round room,
I can tell that you
Are the most beautiful girl in the...room.
In the whole wide room
Oooh.

And when you're on the street
Depending on the street
I bet you are definitely in the top three
Good looking girls on the street
Depending on the street
And when I saw you at my mate's place
I thought what...is...she...doing...
At my mate's place
How did Dave get a hottie like that to a party like this

Good one Dave!!!
Ohhhh you're a legend, Dave!
I asked Dave if he's going to make a move on you
He's not sure
I said "Dave do you mind if I do?"
He says he doesn't mind
but I can tell he kinda minds
but I'm gonna do it anyway
I see you standing all alone by the stereo

I dim the lights down very low, here we go
You're so beautiful
You could be a waitress
You're so beautiful
You could be an air hostess in the 60s
You're so beautiful
You could be a part...time...model

And then I seal the deal
I do my moves
I do my dance moves
It's twelve oh two
Just me and you
And seven other dudes
Around you on the dance floor
I draw you near
Let's get outta here

Let's get in a cab
I'll buy you a kebab!
Now I can't believe
That I'm sharing a kebab with the most beautiful girl I have ever seen
With a kebab
Ooooooohhh.

Why don't we leave?
Let's go to my houseand we can feel each other up on the couch
Oh no. I don't mind taking it slow-ho-ho, no-ho-ho, yeah.

Cause you're so beautiful
Like a, tree
Or a high-class prostitute
You're so beautiful
Mmm, you could be a part-time model

But you'd probably have to keep your normal job
A part-time model!
Spending part of your time, modelling,
and part of your time, next to meeeeeeeeee!
My place is usually tidier than this...