It's always all about hot dogs

(609):
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky

(267):
like hot dogs and buns.

Questions most people don't need to ask

(717):
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way

(1-717):
you don't.

I'm sorry, can you call back after I've had my weight in tequila?

(319): Heyyyy darlin are you busy?

(1-319): Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.

Texts from Papaaaa

Dad: How was your test?
Laur: Test went very well. How was your day?
Dad: The day went well. Crows moved in overnight. The trees were full. There is bird shit everywhere.

Except he actually said "There is bird **** everywhere." My Dad doesn't even like to type swears, he knows my mind is like a sponge.

TFLN: the personal archive

z- want to crash bros night?
l- um, let me think... yes!
z- lloyd will not be happy
l- i am such a bro!
z- this is true
l- more bro, less ho
z- you can still be a ho, haha
l- k good, cause this bro is a ho fo sho

Gotcha

(205): Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
(1-205): You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
(205): This explains so much.

Money makes the world go 'round

Because the two are comparable:
(910): We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.

The contraceptive paradox

(403): Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.

Patrick Swayze's hips don't lie

(404): i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".

TFLN just kicked it up a notch.

Patrick Swayze's hips don't lie

(404): i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".

TFLN just kicked it up a notch.

When I grow up I wanna have groupies

(307): i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.

Comparatively, my little sister wanted to grow up to be a cat. And I wanted to be a cash register.

Can't always get what you want ain't just a song.

I be hittin all the spots that you didn't even know was there

(251): I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.

More close-to-home Texts from Last Night.
I feel connected to the world in the same way other people feel after they've read PostSecret.com.

UPLIFTING.

You have 1 new message in your inbox

Another Text from Last Night text:

(403): I don't remember. Are we still dating?

TFLN is hitting close to home today, haha.

That finally answers that question

Courtesy of Texts from Last Night:

(905): the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.

And here I was wondering why people get their own names tattooed on themselves. Not for them, FOR THEIR ONE NIGHT STANDS. Genius.