Venus and Mars

“Women fall in love when they get to know you. Men are just the opposite. When they finally know you they’re ready to leave.”

— James Salter, Dusk and Other Stories

Bacon

Ron Swanson is the kidnapper in Miss Congeniality 2. Fact.

Hey you

My mom gave nicknames to all of the men in my life at the moment. There's Rhyno, Devil, and Ear ache.

Oh, Mom.

It's all happening

I just got into my dream school. Hamilton in the fall.
McMaster 2013.

Congratulations

My work has been super supportive and helpful and kind this year and in celebration of my success they bought me my own skeleton!

Second best day ever!

The day it all turned around

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I couldn't be happier.

With enough beer, your ugly duckling can become a beautiful swan

And then you can take her to your swan bed.

Dear Tim Horton's,

I would love it if you decided to make the following donuts: red velvet and marble. I think they would make much better additions than your current S'more donut or any donut you've ever made with a filling (IMHO).

Today CM and I came to a revelation

More people from our graduating class (in high school) have babies than real jobs.

Drink up

Last night I broke my rule about never playing "I never". To be fair, I didn't know the people very well. And it was also the tamest "I never" I've ever participated in. Although, one thing did stick out to me -

Someone didn't drink for "Never have I ever had birthday sex."

LIVE A LITTLE.

Awkwardly enough, I'd had birthday sex with one of the people playing.

I want this dress

It would also be nice to look like Evangeline Lily.
(While we're saying stuff that we want...)

Santa is cheap

Recently I visited my friend RG's apartment and saw that he, like me, had a Dalhousie Science Calendar. I commented that I had the same calendar, a Christmas gift. RG gave me a weird look.

"Aren't you a Science alum?" he asked. "They give you a free calendar every year."

My father has been giving me his free Dalhousie Science Calendar for Christmas for three years now.

That's not so bad, right? In fact, it's pretty selfless to give up a really awesome calendar so that I can enjoy it, right?

Well it wouldn't be so bad, if this wasn't a continuing trend in our relationship.

When I was eight or nine years old, I entered my name into a contest at my optometrist. The grand prize was a lifesized toy dog (conveniently wearing eyeglasses).

For Christmas, Santa Claus gave me a giant toy dog that was wearing eyeglasses. I think you see where I am going with this. My parents gave me the dog that I had won. I must have forgotten I entered the contest, because it wasn't until many years later that I discovered their scam.

I don't actually harbor any resentment towards my parents though, don't worry.

Seriously?

Fellow Canadians, can I get a collective what the fuck in regards to our Federal election?