And just sail, belly up to the clouds

Why you so obsessed with me, boy I wanna know

Went to music trivia tonight at Hunter's. I won the first beer question with an unlikely answer (Coldplay). Went on to win, as a table, $40 worth of free beer! And we came third, which is a personal best for us. Only took us the entire summer to achieve it.

When I grow up I wanna have groupies

(307): i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.

Comparatively, my little sister wanted to grow up to be a cat. And I wanted to be a cash register.

Can't always get what you want ain't just a song.

They always said you were easy

Sometimes I like to look through the files on the family computer and laugh at stuff I've saved. I don't remember what this is from, but I am 99% sure that Laura sent it to me.

if I was in a room and someone yelled "hey bitches!" I would never turn around cause I just don't fit the description

I saw the best thing ever on tv tonight: puppies dressed in kitty costumes.

Thank you, Conan.

Girls are beautiful til they want a handout

Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

-Frost

Around the world, around the world

Best night of the summer happened tonight.
Here's a clip from when the Daft Punk Tribute band was in Halifax:

Sometimes love knocks you down

It's pretty normal to befriend someone after they ask to sleep with you and then pee on one of your trees in Farmville, right?

No, I didn't think so either.

00:48Derrick
what did you watch on tv?
I bet you watched shows

00:48Lauren
big brother haha

00:49Derrick
oh you and the rest of the world huh

00:49Lauren
yeahh
my dad likes it, i watched with him

00:50Derrick
yeha I tried to give it a chance
I honestly did

00:50Lauren
just didnt work out?

00:51Derrick
nah it wasnt for me
big brother was cool about it tho
we lwft on good terms

00:51Lauren
haha

00:52Derrick
we still talk you know...

00:52Lauren
is the relationship strained?

00:52Derrick
we dont awkwardly look away upon eye contact if thats what you mean

Blame it on the booze, got ya feelin loose

So the other night, when I posted the hilarious Facebook convo from some guy about looking hot n rejectin men? He's my Farmville neighbor. He sent me a tree as a gift. And also left me this gem:

Girl what you thinkin?

This must have been extremely awkward.

Facebook never ceases to amuse.

Does your chain hang low?

It's like the unsexiest pornography ever.

MRI of sexual intercourse.
I love the Sciences.

Let's see what we can be when we press fast forward

Note to self: reading glasses are not sunglasses; people can see when you look at them with disgust in your eyes.

Fact.

I think blogger might hate me.
Click on the photo for full effect (or any effect at all).

Brush your shoulders off

So I got out of bed today at 7:20 AM to get ready and go to my job (that I get paid for) that starts at 8 AM.
Meanwhile, people were setting up chairs for the parade (which they do not get paid for) as early as 7 AM, when it doesn't even start til 10 AM.

People are way too dedicated to the parade.

Laziness and apathy FTW.

I be hittin all the spots that you didn't even know was there

(251): I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.

More close-to-home Texts from Last Night.
I feel connected to the world in the same way other people feel after they've read PostSecret.com.

UPLIFTING.

You have 1 new message in your inbox

Another Text from Last Night text:

(403): I don't remember. Are we still dating?

TFLN is hitting close to home today, haha.

That finally answers that question

Courtesy of Texts from Last Night:

(905): the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.

And here I was wondering why people get their own names tattooed on themselves. Not for them, FOR THEIR ONE NIGHT STANDS. Genius.

I've built you a home in my heart

The good news? I don't have to apply to McMaster any earlier than October 2009.
The bad news? Last year 1100 people applied for Physiotherapy and there are only 64 spots.

You have the freedom to be fair

You're going to have to click on the picture to get the full effect... blogger cuts it off.

Excuse me, your pants are on fire

Simon Fraser University has introduced a new grade, lower than an F: the FD. It means failure with dishonesty. Read the article here. The grade stays on your transcript for 2 years after you graduate, allowing possible employers to see that you are a dirty, rotten cheater. A lot of students are unhappy about the new letter grade, especially since it will follow them after they graduate.

Maybe just don't cheat and you'll be fine?

Can you tell I come from a white, middle-class family?

My parents took me to Pizza Delight last night for supper, and while we were waiting to be seated a mother and her child walked by to use the bread bar.

The mother was white and the child was black.

Immediately, my mother turns to me and comments on how "trendy it is nowadays to adopt children from places like China, Ethiopia," etc. etc. She actually said Ethiopia like 10 times for some reason.

As we're walking to our table, I see the mother and child again, sitting at their table.

Once we're seated, I turn to my mother and tell her the baby wasn't adopted from Ethiopia, that it's her child. My mother doesn't understand.

The woman's husband was black.

INTER-RACIAL MARRIAGE, OMG.

She's so high above me, she's so lovely

I'm against drugs, from a personal standpoint. I don't do them and I don't like them. Although, as my friend Chase always points out, alcohol is a drug and I use that. Beside my point, really. What I am getting at is that while I do not personally like or use drugs, I happen to agree with this article. Drugs should be legalized. That way they can be regulated. And, even better, taxed. Think of all the money the government makes from tobacco sales. We could do the same thing for illegal drugs. And, with regulation would come safer drugs. No more marijuana laced with who-knows-what, etc. I guess some would argue that by legalizing we're encouraging people to use (much like how Catholics won't teach safe sex because they think it will advocate premarital sex). I see it more from the standpoint that it's going to happen, so we might as well make it regulated and tax the hell out of it. The article also makes the argument for safer streets, which is legit. When you think about it, how can we not legalize drugs?

Good thing I'm just unhappy all the time

Money can't buy happiness.

Fat Tax

Should fat people have to pay more for health care? While this question doesn't make much sense with our Canadian health care system, it is a question that has relevance with our southern neighbors. And, in fact, this question has been posed by a clinic in Cleveland (see: Tough Love for the Fatties). The clinic in question has already stopped hiring smokers as part of their wellness initiative (something that also wouldn't fly in Canada).

But back to the question at hand: should the obese really have to pay more for health care?

The answer, in my opinion, is an obvious one. While some are concerned with fairness and equality, I would argue that it is actually unfair for a healthy, active, non-obese individual (who has less risk for several diseases) to pay the same amount for health care as a fat blob who is sedentary and consumes more calories than they burn on a daily basis.

Being obese increases an idividual's risk for diabetes (type II), high blood pressure, heart disease, certain cancers, gallbladder disease, deep vein thrombosis, arthritis, breathing problems... the list goes on (and on and on). A weight increase of 11-18 pounds actually raises a person's risk of developing type II diabetes to twice that of individuals who have not gained weight. So why are they paying the same for health care?

And I would like to retract my original statement: this issue does have relevance in Canada. Why are the healthy, active, non-obese paying the same amount in tax dollars towards health care as our gluttonous counterparts? Why am I paying for Sir Eat-a-Lot to be able to abuse the health care system because he couldn't (wouldn't) put down the twinkie?

I think Cleveland has a point.

Fire burning on the dance floor

Exerpt from Aug. 7th, 2005;

"lots of guys teams keep telling us we're one of the hottest teams here, haha.
so what we may lack in soccer skill we make up for in hotness.

big game today.
ontario.
i'm really excited about playing, but also very nervous.
this game will prove that we can compete,
if we play like i know we can.
otherwise this game is just another opportunity to get slaughtered by a big province.
i seriously hope it's the former and not the latter."

I remember our game against Ontario vividly, it was our first of the games. It was 40 degrees with humidity, we wore our white jerseys, and it was hard to even breathe it was so hot. We ended up losing 5-0 and I was pretty devastated. The boys rugby team from Alberta showed up to cheer for us, a lot of good it did.

Jilly plays her first game of Canada Games today, against Alberta. I'm really excited to go up and watch. I wish I was playing again.

I'm on fire and now I think I'm ready to bust a move

I don't understand why "inflammable" and "flammable" mean the same thing (see: here for a definition). Thanks to Dictionary.com, I've been informed that "inflammable" predates "flammable" by about 200 years. Apparently they started using "flammable" because people were getting confused and thinking that "inflammable" meant noncombustible. Imagine!

Little things really bother me, haha.

You could fill the Staple Center with what you don't know

My online account at work today wasn't working, so I called the IT Service Desk to get them to reactivate it.

They sent me an email.

Bling bling, money ain't a thing

Facebook is a great source of amusement;

Matt Cockshott: god your gay.

Make my heart beat skip

Thank God for Facebook chat;

Dude: I was looking at ur pic n ur hot
Me: thanks
Dude: how is that going
was that ur goal
too look hot n reject men??

The world brought me to my knees

“Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of mental illness.”

- Richard Carlson

I am stressed out.

Black Eyed Peas, srsly

Sometimes band names really suck. This page compiled a list of their top ten worst names. Although, in the comment section, I actually found the best band name of all time: The Gaza Strippers.

Bang bang she shot me

Pretty ingenius little device.

Boom Boom Pow

I rant about people not wearing bicycle helmets on a daily basis at work (I can see them bike past the window). There is no reason to not wear a helmet. In the event of an accident, the only thing protecting your skull is a helmet. Every three days a child is killed from a fall off a bicycle, and every day 100 kids are treated in the ER for a severe head injury caused by a bicycle accident. WEAR A BIKE HELMET PEOPLE. It's the law.

Puff Puff Pass

I enjoyed this "job wanted" ad.

I like the way you do that right thurr

What an interesting defence.

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard

I really, really like ice cream. But this kind of makes me re-think that.

It's raining, it's pouring

In case you don't speak Spanish (is it Spanish they speak in Brazil, or Portuguese?), I will explain this video before you watch it. Basically, Brazil made a PSA about how people should pee in the shower to save water. Look for notable pee-ers like Michael Jordan and Ghandi (animated, not for real).
Edit: Portuguese it is (Thanks Justin).

Shake it like a polaroid picture

Justin actually mentionned this to me the other day, and I stumbled across an article on it today. Sexting, or "sexual texting", is apparently a new craze among young people, aged 11 to 18 years of age. Kids are way too advanced now. I didn't have a cell phone til I was nineteen. And my cell phone doesn't have a camera. I'M MISSING OUT. But seriously, what could possibly be sexy about an eleven year old's body?
Edit: Not actually looking for an answer.

Sexy mama, shake your na-na

Brits want to ban airbrushing in their advertising because "it means that adverts contain completely unattainable images that no one can live up to in real life," says Jo Swinson, the MP for East Dunbartonshire. This is true. Proof being a recent ad, featuring Twiggy, for Olay seen here. In reality, this is what Twiggy looks like. And that`s not even as bad as another picture I saw of her but couldn`t find to post. Sweet jowls Twig.

So come here baby girl, you're now fucking with the best in the world

"I detest 'love lyrics'. I think one of the causes of bad mental health in the United States is that people have been raised on 'love lyrics'."

- Frank Zappa

Even though Frank Zappa named his kids awful, ridiculous, embarassing names... the man's got a point.

Cash rule everything around me

You go to public school for 12 years so that you can go to university for 4 years so that you can go to grad school for however many years so that you can get a job (school obviously didn't help me in the run-on sentence department), right? Right.

This girl majorly sucked in the job search department, but, instead of thinking to herself "I should work on my resume and interview skills", she is suing her alma mater.

That's legit.

The more things change, the more they stay the same

Reading through old Livejournal posts, spurred on by Kyle, I have come to realize that almost all I ever talked about was soccer. To be fair, all I ever did was play soccer.

An exerpt from August 1, 2004:

"This weekend has been devoted to soccer. Story of my life. We won the tournament. Three tournaments, three gold medals. I got a goal on a penalty shot yesterday to beat Halifax County 1-0. I got a free kick in this morning against Halifax County again to give us the 1-0 win. Then I got another free kick in in the gold medal game against West Prince, so we won 1-0. That brings me up to nine goals this season. For a sweeper I'd say that's pretty good."

I forgot that I lead my team for scoring that year. Sweepers usually do that, yes?

12 bottles of Colt 45

I'm not sure how scientific this is (not scientific at all), but here is a calculator of how much of a certain type of booze it would take to kill you. Happy drinking.

The pride of Nova Scotia

Just read an article on a British beer they are coming out with that is 18.2%. The bewers have been labeled "irresponsible" for launching the beer which is equivalent to three pints of normal beer.

Perhaps responsibility should lie with the people actually consuming (and in most cases, overconsuming) the product?

A few idiots ruin it for the masses. Just like the loss of dollar drinks in Halifax.

RIP.

The statute of limitations has run out

After finding out last night that my first serious boyfriend (from high school) cheated on me when we were together, I had a bit of man-hate going on.

Looks like these women did, too.

Love song for no one

Things I will never do:

-Give you up
-Let you down
-Run around
-Desert you
-Make you cry
-Say goodbye
-Tell a lie
-Hurt you