How could you be so heartless?

This will be the first Valentine's Day that I spend without a significant other since my last year of high school. I don't embody hegemonic femininity, so I am quite content to go without a Valentine this year. I'm not pathetic enough to hate the holiday entirely, just because I am alone, but in light of the situation, I've decided to compile some anti-V-day songs.

1. Bitches Ain't Shit by Easy E
Nothing says happy Valentine's day to your loved one like telling her she "ain't shit" and that you want her to "lick on [your] nuts and suck [your] dick". Or perhaps you are just letting her know what you want for Valentine's day. It's like a musical version of leaving little post-it note hints around the house.

2. Perfectly Lonely by John Mayer
John Mayer is a master of writing love songs, but this song is all about being happy and free alone. It's an anthem for the singles; "'Cause I don't belong to anyone and nobody belongs to me...that's the way, that's the way, that's the way that I want it." And let's face it, Mayer is notorious for being a hit-it-and-quit-it kind of guy.

3. You're Not Sorry by Taylor Swift
It wouldn't be a anti-Valentine's day list without an angry teenage girl singing about love lost. Seriously, enough said, not a big Swift fan.

4. Tired of Sex by Weezer
By the sounds of the song, Rivers is mackin' a different girl every night of the week. While this may garner a high-five from his pals (if he has any), it's not really a quality I look for in a valentine.

5. Heartless by Kanye West
No one likes being played by their significant other, but doesn't it give you slight shadenfreude that Kanye West was on the receiving end of this one? Even so, it's a pretty good break-up jam, which makes it an appropriate addition to this list.

6. Song for the Dumped by Ben Folds Five
I'm pretty sure that most people have heard this song, but if not, you can check it out and look forward to hearing Ben Folds yell "Fuck you too!" to an (his?) ex-girlfriend. If there is an ex in your past that really wronged you, you may find singing along to this song therapeutic.

7. Don't Think Twice It's Alright by Bob Dylan
Before I begin, Metric does a great cover of this song.
Basically, Dylan sings (or mutters) about a woman he once loved. The charm of the song is how dismissive Dylan is, telling the woman that she "just kinda wasted my precious time" but that she shouldn't "think twice, it's alright". That's right Bob, goodbye is too good a word for this stupid slut.

8. The Warning by Eminem / Obsessed by Mariah Carey
While neither song is really award-worthy, it is hilarious to listen to both (and in Mariah's case watch the music video). This is a great example of when love goes wrong between two people who have access to mass media. What's up to you is who the winner is: Mariah, Eminem, or Nick? Can I say my vote goes to the angry white male? Anyone who is willing to say he ejaculates prematurely in an effort to diss an ex-girlfriend means serious business.

9. Fuck It (I Don't Want You Back) by Eamon
Remember Eamon? I do, barely. But you can't tell me that a song with this title doesn't deserve to be on the list. Eamon's gal played him and "even gave [some guy] head". Well fuck all those presents you could have had for V-day girl, he don't want you back.

10. You Oughta Know by Alanis Morissette
They don't get much more bitter than Ms. Morissette. She really isn't ready to let go. Watch out Scarlett, Alanis might decide she's not over Ryan yet. Get ready for an abundance of voicemails, half of which will be purely Alanis wailing and the other which will be the drunken and angry slurring of the lyrics to this particular song. Romantic.

11. Everything About You by Ugly Kid Joe
I'll be honest, I've never actually heard this song, but after doing some light research on this topic, several websites listed it as the #1 anti-love song. This isn't surprising when the lyrics says that not only does the author hate everything about the person, but also their mother, father, and sister. Leave my mama out of this, dude. That's a low blow.

12. Cry Me A River by Justin Timberlake
There was something magical about watching two little Mousekeeters fall in love in the spotlight. And then there was something even more captivating about watching it derail in front of our very eyes; kind of like watching a train wreck and not being able to look away. I'm not really sure if Timberlake every admitted the song is about ex Britney Spears, but come on. At least he has the good fortune of hindsight and knowing that K-Fed took the fall instead of him. Bet he's counting his blessings. I also recommend checking out the SNL skit Timberlake did, called Immigrant Tale, where he admits to having sex with Spears while they were dating (even though she claimed to be a virgin). A liar and a whore, imagine.

13. I Hate Myself For Loving You by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts
Nothing new about a song about the self-loathing aspects of love, I'm just impressed Jett manages to sound both pathetic and assertive. Although, more often than not, just pathetic.

14. Heartbreak Hotel by Elvis Presley
As if the title doesn't say enough. Also, mystery solved: Elvis didn't die from a drug overdose, he died of loneliness.

15. Before He Cheats by Carrie Underwood
As much as I don't really care for country music, could it really be an anti-love list without a country song? Everyone knows that country songs fall into four categories: songs about pick-up trucks, songs about love or love lost, songs about a man's dog, and song's about any variation of the above. Before He Cheats falls into the last category (pick-up truck and love lost). Everyone also knows a country man's identity is wrapped up in his pick-up truck (and cowboy hat, of course), and that's the first thing that Underwood attacks. I bet that guy is sitting on his porch with some whiskey and his dog, crying into a hankerchief. Do I sense a new song in the works?