Every day I'm hustlin'

So the blog has taken a turn for the serious, and for that I apologize. But I can't always be funny. I just can't. I'm a 21 year old girl with lots of anxiety and it's just unrealistic to think I can come up with funny stuff on a daily basis.

With that being said, the certainty I once had about what I want to do with my life is gone. I miss being a little kid. Someone asked you what you wanted to be "when you grow up" and you could say anything. There weren't any limits. I wanted to be a cash register and my little sister wanted to be a cat. Eventually, once I figured out what a cashier was, I moved on. I wanted to be a lawyer or a doctor. It wasn't about the money, either. When you're a kid it's never about the money.

Once you hit a certain age though, limits are imposed. People tell you how difficult it is to get in to med school or how hard it is to have a family when you are a lawyer. Even if it's well-intentioned, people just shit on your dreams. They tell you your supposed odds for success.

I was 17 when I decided I wanted to be a physiotherapist. People expect you to decide stuff like that at that age. You're graduating from high school and, in my case, going to university. They expect you to choose a career path and to pursue it. At 17, what do you even know? You think you fall in love at 17. You think you know everything at 17. And we all know, you don't. So why do people expect us to know what we want to do for the rest of our lives?

My mother always tells me I need to be more positive, see the good in things and people, etc. But I can't help it. I don't think I will be happy being a physiotherapist for the rest of my life. Someone asked me what I would like to do, if I could do anything. I thought about it, but I couldn't come up with anything I am passionate enough about to spend the rest of my life doing. And that makes me sad. The only thing I really love doing is writing. And even then, what would I do with that? Write a column for a shitty magazine no one respects?

I wish I didn't feel like getting accepted into physiotherapy is a death sentence. And there's still the possibility of being rejected. What will that mean?